The Turkish Jerry Springer Show – Kusadasi

What a horrific experience these two “days off” have been in Kusadasi! Firstly today, I went on the Priene, Miletos and Didyma tour, which you would think me being me would have loved…hated. Don’t get me wrong the ancient sites were absolutely amazing, but we got 45 minutes at Priene, half an hour at Didyma and the same at Miletos! Now these places aren’t just a pile of rocks as I’ve heard some people say about Troy. Theres so much to see here. The theatre of Miletos is basically on par with Rome’s Colusseum! The temple of Apollo at Didyma made me feel the same as I did at Karnak in Egypt…like an ant.

Now while they gave us such short a time at the places we had actually come to see…they made us sit in this hot overcrowded unairconditioned restaurant, which was packed with tourists, in some of the worst heat I’ve ever experienced for 2 hours! We also sat around in other cafes and such for more time than we spent at the ancient sites. At the end of the day they let us go to the beach at the modern town of Didym, which I can only compare to a smaller Oludiniz, crowded, poky and full of British package tourists. Now of course we had all brought our swimmers for visiting the ancients sites! Not! So most of us were forced to walk around this shitty little town for two hours, I actually went looking for the Otogar (bus station) in an attempt to get back to Kusadasi without them! I have no idea why they took us all to the beach, because of course there’s a beach at Kusadasi where we were all staying! On the way back they wanted to take us to a bazaar but we all protested so strongly they took us back to our hotels.

Once there I decided to take my passengers out to Jimmy’s to watch the Euro cup match between Turkey and Germany. Joe was also in town and took his group too. After the match which unfortunately we (Turkey, don’t you love how I’m calling myself Turkish now lol) lost, my group and I got out of there as the crappy music immediately started. Nigel and Jaunita and I managed to end up across the road at the tattoo parlour going through the books. Nigel wanted one and asked me what it was like, “I’ll get one and show you if you want.” I said, “You won’t do it” says Nigel…. So I get into my hotmail and download the tattoo I’d been wanting since I was 16 and had them stick it on the back of my neck, with Joe passing me beers. It kind of picked up the night.

Getting my neck tattoo

The next day I hate to say I spent sitting in the office here sorting out problem after problem. The biggest of which was the local operator here in Kusadasi not collecting someone for a tour of Pamukkale. By the time we managed to get in contact with someone on the bus to let them know they had missed a connection, they were too far to come back. The guy working at the local operator (which happens to be located on the mezzanine floor of this hotel) said she can just get a dolmus (kind of a cross between a bus and a taxi). I calmly explained to him that she can’t get a dolmus it’s not going to work. He yells at me “What? She is idiot? She doesn’t know how to get dolmus?!” “No she doesn’t, she’s Australian, like me, we don’t have dolmus’ in Australia, she won’t even know what a dolmus is!”

The temple of Apollo at Didyma

Now this entire time they had all been begging me not to call my boss, who they all seem to think is Turkey’s dragon lady, and myself and Nic in the office have also been trying to keep this latest fuck up under wraps. I call Nic and tell her the driver won’t go back and we’ve now arranged for her to be taken to the Otogar (bus station) and put on a bus to Denizli, which is the closest town to Pamukkale. Of course, the idiots at the local operator put her on the bus with no instructions. I’ve told them to tell her to wait outside the Otogar and the tour bus will collect her from there. They’ve told her nothing, so now I have no idea whether this girl will be able to get on the bus. Another call to the office and I tell Nic – we are both now completely stressed out, I can tell by Nic’s voice she is on the verge of tears. Neither of us know what to do from here, the incompetence of the people working in this office is just next level.

I hang up my mobile phone and about 10 minutes later it is taken out of my hands. The office phone rings and Mehmet picks it up and immediately shoots the phone back from his ear, I can hear an angry voice coming from the phone from where I am sitting across the room! It’s Vanessa. She’s pissed.

He very meekly answers her questions and then gets off the phone and comes to me “WHY YOU CALL VANESSA!?” I say to him, I didn’t call Vanessa, it was probably Nic who is in the office in Istanbul with her. I also explain that we haven’t been left with much choice in this situation, as we now have a passenger who is potentially lost in Turkey! He starts yelling at me again and the owner of the hotel comes running up the stairs and gets involved jumping to my defence and calling Mehmet an idiot. A fist fight then ensues and they tumble down the stairs to reception and end up by the pool throwing pool furniture at each other!

I only have two passengers who have not gone on the ill fated Pamukkale tour and they are standing on their balcony watching this madness and yelling, “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” How embarrassing. I end up going to hide in my room as I felt pretty unsafe.

Later, the Pamukkale tour gets back and everyone wants to sit by the pool and talk. All the passengers swap stories about chasing around after the missing passenger all day AND the sewage backing up at the restaurant on the tour, and then the two who stayed behind regail the Pamukkale passengers with the tale of the Turkish Jerry Spring Show! There’s nothing I can do, it is beyond ridiculous and beyond anything me, the master of spin can even begin to spin into a positive.

On my soapbox at the theatre at Priene

There’s only one thing to do. “Come on guys, let’s go out, the drinks are on Fez Travel!”

Anyways off to Koycegiz tomorrow hopefully things will get better from there.

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